If I do manage to get the words NO out, it gets followed by fumbled explanations of why I can't commit / accept / respond to the request and sounds so phony and full of excuses that I start cringing with discomfort. This just makes it all worse. Because I avoid uncomfortable situations where I may have to push back at something - I'll just say yes because it's easier and I'll deal with it.
At some point in life however, this catches up to you. You start to resent doing things, resenting invitations out - almost as if you want to stop doing everything - even the fun things.
Lately I've had a few changes in my perceptions and I've started learning how to say No. On the occasion that I have said no - I have really felt great! "I'm sorry, this is not important to me right now and it will have to wait"...(I don't say that to the person in so many words, but I really feel it, and it makes it so much easier to say no). It's still uncomfortable though and doesn't come easy. I find it easier to say no work work requests than friends and family at the moment - but hey, baby steps.
Learning to say no, is not about being funny and unco-operative towards people. It's about preserving your sanity, making and taking time out for yourself. You absolutely need that alone time, where it's just you and your thoughts, where you're not worrying about what it is you need to do next. You have to prioritise what is important to you in life and where you choose to spend your time. You can't go around resenting people because you couldn't say no to their requests.
Instead, you need to stop and take a good hard look at yourself. See where you are spending your energy and make sure it's worth it to you.
In my attempt to re-centre myself, do some soul searching and revalitise myself a bit I've decided to take a few days off - ALL to myself - down to the South Coast for a little health retreat. This retreat runs a few days a month, and I just have to do the next one.
As if to illustrate exactly why I'm doing this I have had to turn down many invitations from my friends - it's so strange that everything is happening that very week.
I have turned down the following in order from Saturday to the next Sunday (why the heck are all my friends Leos?):
1. Saturday afternoon friend's birthday celebration - lives 70km away
2. Sunday afternoon friend's birthday celebration at a theatre show
3. Monday evening friends birthday celebration - dinner
4. Saturday afternoon friends birthday celebration at her house - 60km away
5. Sunday morning Christening and breakfast with friends (70km away)
6. Luckily my younger brother is going away for his 30th birthday, because that would have been this week end as well!
It would almost seem that I'm avoiding saying No by having a good excuse to fall back on...but hey, baby steps.
