I may think I feel LOVE - Nirmala

I may think I feel love
but it is love that feels me
constantly testing the woven fibers
that enclose and protect my heart
with a searing flame
that allows no illusion of separation

and as the insubstantial fabric of my inner fortress
is peeled away by the persistent fire
I desperately try to save some charred remains
by escaping into one more dream of passion
I may think I can find love
but it is love that finds me

meanwhile, love becomes patient and lies in wait
its undying embers gently glowing
and even if I now turn and grasp after the source of warmth
I end up cold and empty-handed
I may think I can possess love
but it is love that possesses me

and finally, I am consumed
for love has flared into an engulfing blaze
that takes everything
and gives nothing in return
I may think love destroys me
but it is love that sets me free

 

Why Fear this moment - a Poem by Nirmala

Why fear this moment
when no thoughts come
at last I lie naked
in the arms of experience

why fear this moment
when no words come
at last I find rest
in the lap of silence

why fear this moment
when love finds itself alone
at last I am embraced
by infinity itself

why fear this moment
when judgment falls away
at last my defenses
fail to keep intimacy at bay

why fear this moment
when hope is lost
at last my foolish dreams
are surrendered to perfection

 

Guilty as charged

Guilt. 

Why do we feel guilt?  When the mind "judges" us as doing something "wrong"... something which isn't in line with our values or how we think we "should" be acting based on our upbringing, religion, deeply ingrained values etc...

So we end up feeling guilty about something that our minds have determined is "wrong"... and then we try and do something or act a certain way to try and diminish the feelings of guilt.  We end up doing something incongruent with who we really are because we feel so guilty, which then invariably sends us on another guilt trip since our reasons for doing something are coming out of our guilty feelings instead of being authentic. 

And then you're caught in a downward spiral of guilt. 

Guilt is a wasted emotion.  If you do something that isn't in line with your values, rather take steps to rectify the situation, if that is what you wish to do, rather than beating yourself up about it.  Learn from your mistakes and do better next time... don't sit around and mope about it.  Guilt carries a negative charge with it... it sits there to remind you of what a "bad" person you are... and that you need to be punished... because once you've been punished enough, you're free... to do the same thing again.

Guilt does not help you to move forward with your life, no, it serves as a constant reminder of the past and what a "bad" person you have been.  

Don't waste your time feeling guilty.  Take the necessary action you need to take, let go of the guilt in life and move forward.  Do not give guilt a home in your life. 

Other people also can't make you feel guilty for anything.  Yes, you choose to pick up the feeling or not, nobody makes you feel a certain way.  

Guilt is a deeply ingrained response and you may feel yourself feeling guilty in situations where you absolutely know you are "not guilty" of something yet you feel this gnawing sense of guilt the whole time... which makes you doubt yourself... and leads you to think that perhaps you actually are guilty...which leads to more guilty feelings and so the downward spiral continues...

Stop thinking that we need to play judge and hand out guilty verdicts when things don't go according to how we've been conditioned to believe things should be.

I've recently gotten rid of my guilt record and it feels amazing! 

Below is a poem I found showing the irrationality behind unhealthy guilt:


Some Day by Leslie Nielson

"Tell me again,"
I say and they do,
"It's not your fault."

I picture them in my mind,
my husband,
my Bishop,
my therapist,
my friends

I see the words on their lips,
I hear their words with my ears.
"It's not your fault"

But my heart
. . .does not hear
The little child in me
. . .does not see. . .

Somewhere deep inside,
...I know
It was my fault,
and I need
to be Punished.

"Tell me again," I say. And they do...
Some day I will believe them.

Some day,
. . .but not today.

Castles of Glass

Wash the poison from off my skin,
Show me how to whole again...
...
Cos I'm only a crack, in this castle of glass
Hardly anything else I need to be...

Listen here: